Do you have trouble in connecting to your spouse or problem in getting him/her to understand you and relate with you appropriately, then you will need to work on your communication skills.
Effective communication creates a better room for a better understanding and for any relationship to work and grow healthy and the both parties involve in the relationship must have any effective communication.
What Is Effective Communication
Having an effective communication in your relationship is the ability to relation with your spouse verbally, emotionally, mentally and physically, without having to think that he or she is being instructive or authoritative towards you.
Achieving a healthy communication in most relationship could be difficult but this is considered to be normal especially in cases where the couples are from different background, trained up by different parents and probably from different tribes. One unique feature of every human is the ability to adjust, understand, adopted, relate ans pass on information’s without having to hurt the other person.
To some people, communication effectively requires leaning and putting into practices the necessary and vital skills that will or could work on their attachment with their spouse.
Remember that these skills will also help improve your communication with other people around you such as your co-workers, your kids, your parents or your boss at your places of work and also help to improve your emotions and social life.
One exciting thing about creating an effective communication is that it helps you and your partner to know each other better by understanding the reasons why they do or act the way they do, it makes you not to pass judgment on them at every little mistake they make and most importantly it makes you to put yourself in their position and know what to do at every point or time when there is misunderstanding between you two.
Barriers To Having An Effective Communication
Lots of people wish to have or develop an effective communication in their relationship but due to some reasons or challenges they are faced with on daily basis they are unable to achieve an excellent communication. We will be reviewing some of those barriers.
1. Inadequate Focus: Focus is an important aspect of being in a relationship and developing yourself. Lack or inadequate focus will always surface in your relationship especially when you are engaged in some activities that is connected to you and your partner thereby making yourself a multitasking person during your conversation with your spouse.
To be able to stay focus during your communications, you should avoid distractions such as checking your phones over every little sounds it makes or planning on what next to say during the discussion because if you stay focus during the conversation, the right words and actions will flow out freely.
2. Negative Body Language: body language has to do with sending wrong signals to your spouse or pattern and this may be because you don’t totally agree or accepts what he or she says or the way your partner acts over certain situations. One thing you should always bear in mind is that you both where brought up differently and finds a way to put things right without having to display a negative body language.
Someone may ask, what are considered to be negative body languages? These includes avoiding sight contact with your partner, crossing your arms without paying attention to your partner, making funny face during important decisions or tapping your feet to the ground during communication and the reason for this is that these acts can be offensive and irritating to the other person.
3. Lack of Emotional Control and Stress: Some people actually think that letting their emotions control them is the best way to communication what their feeling or what is happening to them to their partner. But the truth is that overwhelmed emotions and stress could be unhealthy for any relationship and as such is more likely to cause misunderstanding to your partner.
Is advisable to learn how to calm yourself down especially when you find yourself in a situation that seen stressful or breaks you down emotionally. In doing this, you will find the right words and actions to take during your conversations with your spouse or people around you.
4. Inconsistency: The word inconsistency plays a vital role in every relationship and this is one of the reasons some relationships are not working out because some people lack consistency in their words, actions, attitude and mode of reasoning towards their partner. Every relationship should be built on the platform of truth, honesty and love. This does not mean that you have to agree with your spouse on everything he or she says do but is very important that you remain consistent on what is right and what should be done rightly.
This helps your spouse to understand you better and place a value on you. you can’t tell your partner that you are okay with him drinking alcohol and the next day you are mad at him for drinking the same alcohol that you approved of. Or you might tell him that you don’t like clubbing and the next day you tell him that you are going for clubbing with some of your friends. That is being inconsistency. We advise that you should be able to effective communicate with your spouse on the things you like and dislike so that the trust between you both can get stronger.
Communication Skills Involves
#1. Having good listening Ears: becoming a good listener in a relationship is a vital communication skill that should be practice by both parties in a relationship. Effective communication should not only be based on what we want to say but mostly on less talking and more listening to be able to understand the speakers emotions and the messages he or she is trying to convey.
Always bear this in mind that hearing and listening are two different words with different actions. You can hear someone’s voice but not understand the emotions behind their voice and as such may not be able to get the messages they are passing across to you.
Listening and paying attention help to create deeper and lasting connection between the couples. This is because it actually conveys the points and ideas put in line and enables the communication flows freely without making the other person feel unheard.
The reason many relationships are not working out is because both or one person in that relationship is not a good listener and without this attribute, the relationship is likely to be crushed down by misunderstanding. We advise that you make up your mind to develop this communication skill just by listening more and talking less. We known that it may not be too easy to watch your spouse do the talking while you listen calmly but it will for sure help you understand their emotions, their worries and the reasons behind their actions.
Tips To Becoming a Good Listener
- Never be too quick to pass on judgment during argument.
- Focus and pay close attention to your spouse
- Never redirect the subject matter of the speaker to different past events
- Indicate your interest on the subject matter
- Detect the emotions break out and the causes
- Respond with positive feedback
- Listen to the emotions behind the tears and the words
#2. Take Notes of The Non-verbal Signs Skills: It is said that actions speaks louder than words. In some relationships some people tend to act more than they speak and sometimes those actions can or could be a display of love, affection, kindness and trust and in some cases those actions could portrait pains, hurts and heart breaks to the other person or to how they feel.
Developing and understanding the necessity and importance of non-verbal communication can build yourself confident in connecting to people around you and most especially your spouse. In this case, this skill can help you navigate situation and circumstances that seen to be getting out of hand into a main discussion between both parties.
To enhance and achieve stable and effective communication skills with non-verbal signs then you must develop good body language which helps you to pass out information’s to your spouse even in the midst of the heat just by maintaining good eye contact with the other person, uncrossing your arm while paying close attention, sitting calmly, being patient and showing concern of total understanding.
Tips To Improving Non-Verbal Signs
- Never neglect individual differences
- Never neglect individual upbringing
- Always display a welcoming attitude to each other
- Use words that matches your non-verbal signs
- Let you non-verbal signs be in accordance with the subject matter
- Never display a negative body language
- Let you non-verbal sign emphasize on making peace and creating trust.
#3. Checking Stress And Pressure Skill: The negative role of stress in your relationship with your spouses, co-worker, boss and kids can never be over emphasized, this is because stress is a salient killer of joy, peace, love and communication such that it puts you in a tight position and sometimes make you speak words that could hurts or breaks the other person.
The checking stress and pressure skill will help you develop an amazing and effective communication in your relationship with other. This skill helps to keep you calm in every situation you find yourself and it gives you the opportunity to create a comfortable state of relaxation therefore allowing you to know the responses that should be given to the person.
We advise to always calm down before speaking or acting to be able to make an effective communication in you decisions, observation or judgments.
Tips For Communicating Under Stress and Pressure
- Stay calm during stress and pressure to communication effectively
- Don’t be difficult with your decisions
- Create an environment of humor even under stress and pressure
- Recognize when you are under stress and pressure
- Make your points clear and understandable
- Never be quick to act
- Agree to disagree
#4. Decision Making Skills: This decision making skills an effective way to create a good communication in a relationship because it helps you to develop high self-esteem and the ability to take decisions that’s best suitable for you and your spouse.
Always remember that winning in the argument between you and your partner is not a way to achieve an effective communication but considering your partners opinion is taking your decision is the major key to an effective and relationship.
Tips to Decision Making
- Be positive in some of your judgment
- Pay attentions to your wants and needs
- Put values on your options and that of the other person
- Never make an empathetic decisions
- Don’t let your decision escalate the matter at hand
- Learn to say the word “NO” when necessary
- Let your decision be fair for your spouse.